I’ve met somebody.

We’ve been seeing each other for a month, and it’s genuinely fun to have all of these fluttery feelings and uncertain feelings.

And the sex stuff. That’s fun too.

But then, although the uncertainty is fun – in that everything feels fresh and new and exciting – it’s also difficult. I think that yet again, the old security of being in a long term relationship has skewed me for how this bit feels.

Of course there was uncertainty at the end. The questions of what was happening, and why, and how could this be happening. All of those questions were answered, but it’s only with hindsight that I know that.

I’m sat here waiting for him to text me. (The new one, not the old one.) I’m sad and anxious and annoyed. Im frustrated and eager and full of longing.

When I’m with him, I feel charmed and giggly, and excited. Womanly, passionate, and anticipatory. It’s convoluted, but it’s good to feel these highs and lows.

For a long time, I was convinced that I didn’t feel to the same depths as other people. I was concerned that I was muted or depressed. So really, logically, it’s positive to feel like this and to be aware of all of these new feelings. I’m still pissed off that he hasn’t texted me back, though.

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